Pregnancy Loss is still a Birthday

Millions of families around the globe are crying for a desperately needed paradigm change in birth.  Hundreds of thousands more families join them each year.

Spontaneous abortion, miscarriage, heavy period, stillbirth, these words do not do justice to what so many families endure.

“Just try again”, “it’s not a real person yet”, these empty platitudes are how the world responds to newly postpartum mothers who are deeply grieved and heartbroken, many facing breastmilk decisions, most facing lochia, birth certificate and death certificate laws, high and sudden costs of funeral planning, postpartum hormones, dashed dreams, guilt, shame, and a mother’s grief – and all, at once.

My baby at 12 gestation weeks was called “debris” by a doctor, just moments after I learned that he was no longer alive.  I was given, “We need to get that debris out of there.”  She went on to tell me how a D&C would be the easiest and simplest way to “get over it”.

Mothers experiencing miscarriage ought to be honored as mothers giving birth in early pregnancy, with similar verbiage, counsel, and similar birth options as mothers giving birth in late pregnancy and with live infant outcomes.

The six Australian mothers and seventy one American mothers giving birth to stillborn babies today, ought to be supported with trained doulas in birth and bereavement support.

I am a mother of five children.  My fourth child was born unassisted at home, at twelve weeks gestation, for few reasons more pervasive in my mind than “let’s hurry up and have a D&C to remove your debris” as an abhorrently insufficient response to the early pregnancy birth and death of my very real and very loved child.

Giving options restores hope, at a time that can feel impossibly hopeless.  Offering mother-friendly verbiage restores dignity to a time that can be charging with self-doubt, confusion, shame, and heartbreak.

Offering simple love reduces secondary trauma and restores hope.Speaking honor and reflecting honor and dignity to families giving birth at any point in pregnancy is a human rights issue.  It is a global issue.  It is a very intimate issue.

You have an opportunity to bring hope and healing to the hurting.  Please join the stillbirthday global movement of providing support to families giving birth in any trimester.

Stillbirthday challenges the current worldview that medical accuracy and individualized dignity must be autonomous.  We provide medically accurate information about signs and symptoms of multiple pregnancy experiences, stillbirthday offers more than 10 customizable printable birth plans for all experiences of pregnancy and infant loss, we hold the stories and photos of mothers sharing their babies birth stories, we provide clear and smooth access into the different stages – we call them seasons – of the planning and process of pregnancy, birth, the welcoming, the farewell, and the healing journey.  We have doulas listed in every US state and internationally who align with our principles of service.  Stillbirthday provides a comprehensive Birth & Bereavement Doula training offering students the globally respected SBD credentials.

Stillbirthday is a resource for families.  Stillbirthday is a resource for birth professionals.  I invite you, to join the stillbirthday family, and join the global movement of bringing support to families giving birth in any trimester – because not one mother should endure loss unsupported.

I founded http://www.stillbirthday.com/ in August 2011 after a doctor called my beloved baby “debris” – as in, “We need to get that debris out of there.”  With real, printable birth plans, doulas listed in every US state and internationally, as well as a comprehensive online birth and bereavement certification program, stillbirthday has reached nearly 1,000,000 families in just two years.